Frightening for Children

Ah, the happiest place on earthTM. This is the actual official map of Disneyland that they give you at the front gate (click to enlarge):

In the legend at the bottom, there is a warning. An exclamation mark in a yellow circle: "This attraction may be frightening for children."

Now you might expect to find this warning symbol on a lot of rides at Disneyland.

Thunder Mountain or Space Mountain... these are fast rides with twists and turns.

Or how about the Jungle Cruise with the guide firing blanks from a pistol?

Or how about just the decor in Adventure Land, with skulls impaled on spears (my personal favorite)?

Nope.

The only place on the whole map that this warning "frightening for children" appears is...

Captain EO.
Starring Michael Jackson.

Credit: Thanks to Scott Lipsey for pointing this out.

Stupid Cat

Before work this morning, I make a hurried pitstop in the bathroom. I lift the toilet lid, step up to the plate, look down and this is what I see:

Morgan the cat.

I almost peed on his head.

Stupid cat.

Merry Christmas, My Bitches!

Pimp my wrapping paper.

"Is There in Underwear, No Truth?"

More shopping. (For a bunch of atheists, we sure spend a LOT on Christmas.) My lovely wife, Julia, and I were in Target and we both stopped dead in our tracks. We both had the same idea in mind: lingerie for Julia.

I was staring at this:

She was staring at this:

Wandering through the men's underwear section, I noticed they now sell comic book character tighty-whiteys. I'm not sure if the underwear marketeers thought this through or not, because there is definitely some comedic subtext to these designs. I mean think about it, the only other person who is likely to see your underwear, especially from the front where the design is silkscreened, is someone you're planning on having sex with.

So you have to consider this from a truth in advertising kind of angle... It's a nice romantic evening. Dinner. A movie. Couple of glasses of wine. Next thing you know, you're down to your underwear...

"Man of Steel" - Think about it. Better not disappoint!

"The Punisher" - Yeah! No pressure, though.

"The Flash" - Really? This is one area where speed is definitely not a virtue.

Season's Greetings from The Pearces

Hi-Tech Toilets

I guess I just don't get it. Maybe I'm a barbarian, but I just don't understand the demand for heated toilet seats with hot water adjustable nozzles, warm air dryers, and a remote control.

The packaging says "Easy to Use" but the toilet we already have is even easier to use. And I'll never have to reboot it. Unlike our diswasher.

Eternal Love

I snapped this pic in Lowe's a couple of days before Halloween.

Some skeletons had fallen off their display hooks. I found this strangely erotic. Like, "eternal love" or something. This is how I want to be buried with my lovely wife, Julia.