Odd Days

Frightening for Children

2012-02-03T18:34:00.000-08:00

Ah, the happiest place on earthTM. This is the actual official map of Disneyland that they give you at the front gate (click to enlarge):

In the legend at the bottom, there is a warning. An exclamation mark in a yellow circle: "This attraction may be frightening for children."

Now you might expect to find this warning symbol on a lot of rides at Disneyland.

Thunder Mountain or Space Mountain... these are fast rides with twists and turns.

Or how about the Jungle Cruise with the guide firing blanks from a pistol?

Or how about just the decor in Adventure Land, with skulls impaled on spears (my personal favorite)?

Nope.

The only place on the whole map that this warning "frightening for children" appears is...

Captain EO.
Starring Michael Jackson.

Credit: Thanks to Scott Lipsey for pointing this out.

Stupid Cat

2012-01-17T18:42:00.000-08:00

Before work this morning, I make a hurried pitstop in the bathroom. I lift the toilet lid, step up to the plate, look down and this is what I see:

Morgan the cat.

I almost peed on his head.

Stupid cat.

Merry Christmas, My Bitches!

2011-12-24T07:00:00.000-08:00

Pimp my wrapping paper.

"Is There in Underwear, No Truth?"

2011-12-23T18:00:00.000-08:00

More shopping. (For a bunch of atheists, we sure spend a LOT on Christmas.) My lovely wife, Julia, and I were in Target and we both stopped dead in our tracks. We both had the same idea in mind: lingerie for Julia.

I was staring at this:

She was staring at this:

Wandering through the men's underwear section, I noticed they now sell comic book character tighty-whiteys. I'm not sure if the underwear marketeers thought this through or not, because there is definitely some comedic subtext to these designs. I mean think about it, the only other person who is likely to see your underwear, especially from the front where the design is silkscreened, is someone you're planning on having sex with.

So you have to consider this from a truth in advertising kind of angle... It's a nice romantic evening. Dinner. A movie. Couple of glasses of wine. Next thing you know, you're down to your underwear...

"Man of Steel" - Think about it. Better not disappoint!

"The Punisher" - Yeah! No pressure, though.

"The Flash" - Really? This is one area where speed is definitely not a virtue.

Season's Greetings from The Pearces

2011-12-23T17:12:00.000-08:00

Hi-Tech Toilets

2011-12-22T07:30:00.000-08:00

I guess I just don't get it. Maybe I'm a barbarian, but I just don't understand the demand for heated toilet seats with hot water adjustable nozzles, warm air dryers, and a remote control.

The packaging says "Easy to Use" but the toilet we already have is even easier to use. And I'll never have to reboot it. Unlike our diswasher.

Eternal Love

2011-12-20T05:55:00.000-08:00

I snapped this pic in Lowe's a couple of days before Halloween.

Some skeletons had fallen off their display hooks. I found this strangely erotic. Like, "eternal love" or something. This is how I want to be buried with my lovely wife, Julia.

Nerf Gun Ammo

2011-12-19T05:00:00.000-08:00

Like many office workers around the globe, at my day job we have Nerf guns under our desks. And occasionally there are shootouts. Office life can be very tense and it's a nice way to relieve the strain. Fourth quarter is especially brutal, so the office has been like Deadwood the past few days. So I've been developing a more powerful form of Nerf gun ammunition:

Ho Ho Ho

2011-11-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

I have to say, I've been enjoying holiday shopping this year. So far no one in my family has been pepper-sprayed or shot to death. But as usual, there are some strange products out there. Starting with this deeply unnerving life-size elf by Annalee:

This photo was taken almost at eye-level. I really would not want to get up in the middle of the night for a drink of water and stumble over this guy in the dark.

Nutcrackers are always popular. And there are a wider variety to choose from than I've seen before. There's even an Osama Bin Laden nutcracker:

This is a statue of Santa with a little girl on his lap.

Looks like the Xanax is starting to kick in for both of them.

And now for something completely different: A Christmas tree made out of feathers.

Somewhere in China, there are people who just make this stuff up.

"What should we send to America this season?"
"I don't know, but it should be Christmasy."
"But something they haven't seen before."
"How about broken glass?"
"A Christmas tree made of broken glass?"
"Yeah, when it lights up it will be really sparkly."
"I don't know. Sounds kind of dangerous. Remember when we painted those children's toys with lead?"
"Oh, yeah. And they also got all mad when we sweetened their toothpaste with antifreeze."
"What about feathers?"
"Yeah! Feathers are safe!"

So they sent over Christmas trees made of feathers. And wreaths made of feathers, too:

After Christmas, you can just leave it up and in the spring birds will lay their eggs in it.

Some Things Never Change

2011-11-27T18:48:00.000-08:00

Prehistoric handprints, rock wall. Pecos River, Texas. Photo by Peter Faris, Jan. 2004

Modern handprint, dumpster. Orange County, California. Photo by Douglas Alan Pearce, Nov. 2011

Gordon Ramsay Is Not Flipping You Off

2011-11-26T18:34:00.000-08:00

He is counting the number of things wrong with your meal. But it's close enough.

Thickest, Hottest, Juiciest Blog Entry Ever!

2011-11-25T17:57:00.001-08:00

The other night my lovely wife, Julia, and I were watching TV and a charming, sincere woman appeared in a
commercial for Wendy’s hamburgers. She introduced herself as Wendy. “Yes, that Wendy.”

Then she proceeded to do an homage to her father, who named the burger franchise after her. But what started as an innocent memorial designed to show the daughter taking over the reins and honoring the father’s memory quickly digressed into some kind of accidentally-innuendo-laced ad for incest.

“My dad started a hamburger chain and named it after me. I love that about dad.”
Not that he was there for me. Not that he skipped his board meetings to see me pitch softball. (Which he may have done... I always liked the old Dave Thomas commercials back in the day.) Not that he wiped away my tears when my boyfriend broke up with me.
No. He created a multi-million dollar worldwide franchise and left it to me. That’s what I love about dad.

“We’re introducing our hottest, juiciest hamburgers ever.”
So far so good.

“And I’m naming them after him.”
(In Beavis and Butt-head voice...) Uh… You’re naming your hottest, juiciest burger after your dad. OK (shrug).

“Dave’s hot and juicy.”
Uh... Heh-heh...

“With our thickest, hottest, juiciest beef ever.”
OK, this can’t be an accident. Is this a Saturday Night Live sketch?

See for yourself:

I haven’t seen this commercial in a few days. Maybe Wendy’s customer service line was getting too many 976- callers.

Wind-Up Death

2011-11-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

Also a good name for a band.

Take Advantage of This Special Offer Today!

2011-11-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

How exciting for me!

Skull Sketch

2011-10-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

Power Nap

2011-10-31T06:00:00.000-07:00

One lazy weekend I came in from the garage with one of my projects under my arm. My lovely wife, Julia, was reclining in her easy chair.

She asked, "How's Scott's present coming along?"

"Good. I think I got the engraving figured out. Are you going to take a nap?"

"I prefer to call it meditation."

I nodded. "That sounds cooler."

She closed her eyes and smiled.

"You could call it a power nap," I suggested.

"Power nap sounds like a lot of work."

All Hallows Eve

2011-10-30T19:00:00.000-07:00

Our Dishwasher, Hal

2011-10-30T14:00:00.000-07:00

We spent a lot on our new dishwasher. It has a stainless steel interior, energy-saving settings, and special water-saving technology. It's only a couple of months old. So one day when I came indoors, my lovely wife, Julia, her voice heavy with frustration, told me it was broken.

The touch buttons didn't do anything. The blue LEDs wouldn't light up. Opening and closing the door didn't have any effect. She'd been fooling with it for a while.

I fixed it in about a minute. LEDs lit up one by one. Motors whirred. Water sprayed.
"How did you do that?" she asked.
"I climbed under the sink and unplugged it, then plugged it back in."

I rebooted our dishwasher. Don't you just love the 21st century?

"Open the dishwasher door, Hal."
"I'm sorry, Doug, I can't do that."

Occupy This

2011-10-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

Hey, you Occupy Wall Street protesters. Very nice work. It's about time someone stabbed Gordon Gecko in the heart. Well, in the chest where his heart would be if he had one.

But I read recently where you're looking for a mission, a unifying sense of purpose, a battle-cry. Try this one:

"One person, one vote. Not one dollar, one vote."

Catchy, huh? I blogged that a while ago. "Campaign Finance Reform!" just didn't sound good echoing off the walls in my neighborhood.

Boston, 1776

Hey, Rick and Mit: Corporations are NOT people. People are people, according to Depeche Mode.

Do you think that the people who work for a company are happy when they find out that the profit that they helped their company earn is siphoned off into a campaign donation to a candidate that they loathe? (I'm looking at you, Meg.)

How many times is the word "corporation" found in the US Constitution?
Answer: Zero.

"People" is in there. "Citizen" is found 11 times. "Person", 22 times. "Corporation", nada.

Communism does not work. It never did and it never will. It reduces the efforts of all workers to the lowest common denominator: the laziest, stupidest, least effective, by motivating no one to move ahead and do their best. It removes incentive and the competitive spirit. So, I am a capitalist.

But unbridled, Reagan-style, unregulated capitalism doesn't work either. It lets too many people suffer: the old, the infirm, the mentally challenged. The measure of a society is how it treats its most vulnerable members.
Rampant capitalism is just as extreme as communism.

Moscow, 1917

The richest 400 families in America have as much money as the entire rest of the country combined. Think about that.

400 rich = 300 million poor and middle class

How is that possible? Why do the tax laws allow the rich to pay less than you or me? Warren Buffet is practically begging to pay as much tax as his secretary. Why won't the government listen to him? Or us? What is wrong?

Answer: The government doesn't listen to you or me because we only have the power of the vote. The government does listen to the rich because they have dollars.

Like you and me, politicians want to stay employed. For a politician, that means getting reelected. Reelections require advertising. Advertising requires dollars. Lots of dollars. If you have lots of dollars, and you give some to politicians, they will do favors for you.

They will tweak legislation.
They'll turn a blind eye to your toxic dump.
They'll stonewall bills in committee.

It is legal corruption.

New York, 2011

Find a way to prevent the rich from paying off politicians and you restore the balance that the Founding Fathers designed. Until then, we are all accessories to the crime of treason. Which is a capital offense.

So, my Occupy Wall Street brethren: Looking for a rallying cry? Look no further.

"One person, one vote! Not one dollar, one vote!"

Or words to that effect.

Can't Read? Click Here.

2011-10-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

Absurd thing I found on the internet today:

Donut-Eaters

2011-10-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

Ben Franklin would weep.

He invented bifocals. And volunteer fire departments. And the US Postal Service.

This is how our mail was delivered on Tuesday. I guess I'm not the only one who calls it junk mail. Must be nice to have "tenure."

I work in the private sector. Cut-throat. Efficient. Justify your salary every day or go home unemployed. California is an "at-will employment" state. That means that your employer can fire you without warning, at any time, for any reason (as long as it's not an illegal reason, like you're a black, gay, Gypsy Atheist).

On days when I would really stress out, wondering how my family would eat after my mental breakdown, I used to think that I should slow down and take it easy. Maybe get a lower ranking job in a less freaky department with a more laid back company in a less competitive industry.

Maybe get a city job. A civil service job. Cushy. Like a postal carrier. Plenty of sunshine. Easy rounds every day. Meet interesting people and chat with them. Pet some dogs.

It's hard to fire a civil servant no matter how inefficient he or she gets. Initially this was because having a civil servant corps was supposed to keep continuity of government during post-election administration changes. To prevent a new Republican mayor from firing all the Democrat city works employees; that sort of thing. But then it was taken to extremes and government offices became havens for those who couldn't make it in the private sector.

It was made worse by unions. I am pro-union. I grew up in a blue-collar family. But unions are their own worst enemies, to quote a wise man I know. An example of a union doing good would be the IBEW, which was founded because half of all electricians were being electrocuted back in the days of Thomas Edison when power lines were first being strung through cities, and their widows and orphans were left with nothing. Today the IBEW still spends half their budget on safety education; a noble cause.

We owe unions our thanks for the two-day weekend, the eight-hour workday, safe work environments, and child labor laws.

I'm still pro-union and I always will be. But how is a union supposed to justify it's existence after it's made work environments safe and fair? Do they just keep pushing the needle further and further into absurdity until pretty soon you've got pensions that equal 100% of your salary for the rest of your life?

That's called "entitlement", a revolting word. I don't have a pension. I have a 401k, or what's left of it. So I'm jealous. Maybe for cops, I could see a certain percentage of salary after retirement. But a sense of entitlement is never a good thing. No organization can afford that kind of ineffiency. No matter how big. Look at Greece.

For years, I've said that governments are monopolies that will stay inefficient and wasteful until they face competition. I always thought that would come in the form of a revolt. I never expected to see the economy get so bad that governments' tax bases (meaning you and me) would dry up and starve them. Welcome to a level playing field. Well, level-ish.

Now everyone has to face the same chaos and panic that the private sector has had to face all along. You can call it efficiency. Or a heavy dose of reality. I call it justice.

I take no pleasure in seeing people losing their houses, or old people running out of money. But I do take a quiet, perverse pleasure in seeing people who've been allowed to drag their knuckles their whole careers finally getting cattle-prodded into the same cold sweat that we in the private sector experience every morning when we lace up our work shoes and walk out the door into our morning commute.

If America is to recover, if America is to stay on top, then we've got to pull together. Efficiently. Productively. ALL of us. There's no room for donut-eaters anywhere in this country, either in government or the private sector. You've got to pay to play.

Welcome aboard. Grab an oar. Sit down. Shut up. Start rowing. And be thankful you're not swimming. Yet.

Obfuscated License Plates

2011-10-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

When driving down the road, did you ever notice how the license plate frame on whatever car is in front of you sometimes tends to cover the bottom edge of the plate so you can't tell whether a letter is an F or an E? Or a 7 is a Z?

What would happen if you robbed a bank but your license plate was too hard to read so that witnesses wouldn't be able to give it to police?

Or maybe it was a series of letters and numbers that were too hard to remember because they were so similar visually that anyone who saw it would get confused?

So, in my evil genius lair one evening, I ran with this to it's logical conclusion. Here's my list of "obfuscated" license plates:

Take a moment and try to memorize one of these really quickly, like you were a witness in the parking lot when I ran out of the bank with my shotgun and really cool duster and ski mask, and jumped into my car. You can only glance at the plate for like five seconds and then you have to look away and write it down.

Anyway, I wonder whether this would work anyway because wouldn't the CHP get with the DMV and just run all plates that consist of 7s and Zs? Or Ms and Ws?

Weird, huh? I amuse myself.

Chew Toy

2011-10-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

I found this chew toy on the pet aisle of our local Stater Bros grocery store. Look closely at his stomach. He has a cute, little pink bellybutton. Hand-sewn by hard-working people on the other side of the Earth to exacting technical specifications.

Why?

You Found What in the Supply Closet?

2011-10-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

At my day job... in the supply closet...

Look closely. See it? Yep. That's my sense of humor.

My Mule Don't Like You Laughin'

2011-09-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

Last night my lovely wife, Julia, and I were watching A Fistful of Dollars. And we come to this scene:

"I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. See my mule don't like people laughin'. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it."

And Julia says,

"Anyone who kills four men because they insulted his mule, needs a psychological workup. I mean the next time I'm walking the dogs and someone calls them fat, I'm not going to murder them and their whole family."

And I thought about how different Sergio Leone's "spaghetti westerns" would be.

Clint rides into the little one-horse town.

Four bad men shoot at his mule's feet and laugh.

Clint rides down the street, dismounts, ties his mule in front of the saloon.

He climbs the stairs to the office above the barber shop. Painted on the dusty siding are the words, "Family Therapist".

He goes inside to explore his feminine side, including the Freudian meaning of carrying around a six-gun on his hip, and ends up scheduling six follow-up hypnotherapy sessions to quit smoking.

"Strange Thing I Found in the Trash" Item of the Day

2011-08-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

Alaskan Adventure: Homer and Kachemak Bay

2011-08-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

Part 2 in our series.

LAX. Dawn. Waiting to take off for Alaska. And the line to get into Starbucks is longer than the one to get through security.

Flash forward to Homer, where our adventure continues at the Kachemak Bay Center for Alaskan Coastal Studies.

Where else have you seen a fishhook double as fine art?

Anklets for auklets:

My favorite part was this mural depicting the Land of Lilliput, which is apparently part of the Aleutian Island chain:

Then you can go outside for a walk along the wetlands.

Then up the mountain to Homer's Carl E. Wynn Nature Center:

Here are fresh moose tracks... a momma and baby:

And a panoramic video of Homer and Kachemak Bay:

This is an Alaskan flower pot:

Homo-Erotic Product of the Day

2011-08-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

Trojan Muscle Milk. Yeah, baby.

I thought this was clever of me until I did a Google search of "trojan muscle milk". Unfortunately, I was at work at the time. And unfortunately, my porn filter was set to "off."

So it's been nice knowing you and I'll be spending my time in line at the unemployment office until further notice.

Have We Learned Nothing?

2011-08-19T07:28:00.000-07:00

This is the cover of The Economist, showing how The Great Recession could very well be a double-dip. Especially if we all believe it, which goes back to one of my favorite phrases... "It doesn't matter if it's true, if enough people believe it."

In this photo, framing The Economist cover, are torn up credit card offers that I received in the same batch of mail! My lovely wife, Julia, and I have each been receiving more than five credit card offers per week.

So my question to you, my fellow Americans, is... Have we learned NOTHING!?

Those who forget history are doomed to re-live it.

...UCK!

2011-08-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

And then we had coffee at Starbucks.

Wait. What were YOU thinking?

Malibu Brad with Kung-Fu Grip

2011-08-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

And speaking of futuristic robots, is this guy even carbon-based?

I thought it was clever that I called him a Ken Doll when I saw this magazine in the store. Then I found six other websites with people saying the same thing.

Coincidence? I think not. Perhaps we should have modern day witch hunts where we track down innocent beautiful-people and accuse them of being cybernetic.

We should start in Salem, Oregon this time, just to confuse future history students.

Do Robots Dream of Electric Drinks?

2011-08-15T07:25:00.000-07:00

What do robots (sexy, Sorayama-style robots) have to do with vodka?

Also, I'm pretty sure that Svedka was NOT voted best vodka of 2033. But I can't really prove that (as their marketeers well know) without actually traveling forward in time. You need a black hole to do that. A low orbit near an extreme gravity well slows down local time, speeding up the relative time of the universe around you.

Unfortunately, modern experts agree that this type of time travel is one-way. You can go forward to explore. But you can’t come back to report on what you saw.

Back when I was a punck-ass twenty-something, I would have gladly jumped forward in time, one-way, to a world filled with vodka and sexy robots.

But not anymore. Now I have too much to lose.

So, will true, deep-space exploration be tinged with tragedy, a la Odysseus?

Will our deep-space astronauts be exceptionally young, with clean slates, no wives or husbands, and nothing really rooting them to this planet and this era?

When they arrive in the future will they be considered Neanderthals?

Diamond Zits

2011-08-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

Judge Judy always has the most interesting-looking guests in her courtroom. Today's specimen I shall call Diamond Zits.

I understand the idea of body modification decorations. Piercings, tattoos, etc. But at some point you have to look in a mirror and realize that the larger the diamond that's stapled to your face, the nastier it looks.

"Diamond Zits"... That would be a cool name for a new James Bond villain.

Wait. It's been done...

"Do you expect me to talk, Judge Judy?"

"No, Mr. Zao. I expect you to die! Burt..."

Who Chooses Our Symbols?

2011-08-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

I was reading the paper the other day (an actual, printed newspaper... because I'm a Luddite). And I noticed this symbol above the ad for the local movie theatre:

And I thought, You know, there's got to be a better symbol for deafness than a spike driven through an ear.

Sarah's Not a Predator

2011-08-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

So many of the things I write about here stem from conversations at the water cooler at work. Today was no exception.

I was pouring hot water into my French press to make yerba mate, like I do every morning. And some movement caught my eye in the very farthest edge of my peripheral vision.

Here I am in a modern steel and concrete building, pouring water from an electrically heated AND cooled filtered water dispenser under flourescent lights in air-conditioned comfort. A fat, dumb, and happy modern man.

When suddenly, my stone-age Cro Magnon brain catches a flicker of movement out of the very corner of my eye, more than 90 degrees to the side. And suddenly I'm transported to the African savannah 2,000,000 years ago, surrounded by predators staking out the one place that all animal life must eventually come... the watering hole.

But this morning it was just Sarah. And I'm bigger than her.

Veni Vidi Vici

2011-08-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

Costco sells underpants in their deli section.

I always thought it funny that the Italian food "calzones" means "underpants" in Spanish. Both languages are directly descended from Latin so how did that happen? What did the Romans do to those people?

Mr Sam

2011-08-06T17:23:00.000-07:00

This is the weirdest spam email I've ever received:

Hi Sir,
With my
1 Heart...
2 eyes...
5 litre blood...
206 bones...
1.2million Red Cells...
60 trillion D.N.A.'s...
I wish u "All the very best of LUCK"...
Thank's & Regard's Mr S

Mr. Sam

That sure was nice of Mr Sam. To do all that medical research and put together a good luck wish and then send it to a stranger like me.

Thanks, Mr Sam, wherever (and whoever) you are!

Alaskan Adventure - Kenai Scenic Beauty

2011-08-05T17:07:00.000-07:00

So we went up north to visit my brother, Jeff, who lives on the Kenai peninsula. What amazing beauty. (The Kenai, not Jeff. Although I'm sure he's very pretty in his own way. But I digress.)

My brother picked us up in his truck.

This is Homer International Airport:

It has one waiting room. The baggage turnstyle is two guys handing you luggage through a door. Right away I began to like this place.

A lot of windshields in Alaska are cracked. Even police cars. One of the first things you notice about the place is that wherever you're from, it's not like there. Alaska is on the edge of human habitation, so the environment is extremely hard on equipment. You learn to roll with it and not get hung up on unimportant stuff.

Within fifteen minutes after stepping foot in the state, the sheer depth and scale of its beauty became apparent. It stayed awe-inspiring the whole time we were there. Barely touched by humans.

Jeff lives in a brand new cabin in the woods with all new stainless steel appliances and modern furnishings. This is the view from his window:

I know, right? This is his back yard:

Turn your speakers up loud so you can hear the utter lack of honking horns, jangling telephones, trash trucks backing up, and police sirens.

The only thing you have to get used to, aside from peace and quiet, is that the sun never sets. This is what the sky looked like at 11pm:

This really messes with you psychologically. You might look at your watch and suddenly realize that you should stop chainsawing firewood and go and start dinner because you have to get up in a few hours.

Next episode:

Jeff and the gang go up against wild animals, volcanoes, angry spirits, and artists. Be sure not to miss the next Odd Days: Alaskan Adventure!

Stop and Smell the Flowers

2011-08-04T17:01:00.000-07:00

I stopped and smelled the flowers. Mexican Heather blooming in the center divider.

I love how it bursts up through the street sign. Like Morgan Freeman says, "Life finds a way."

Amazing. Regardless of whether you believe in a mysterious divine plan or an amazing web of complex chemical reactions.

Rich and Famous

2011-08-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

I got my first royalty check for sales of my eBook Children of the Salton Sea...

As you can plainly see, I am now rich and famous.

Please do not contact me to borrow money. I need it all so I can roll around in it on my bed.

Shooting it out with presidential mercenaries in a deadly wasteland is easy...
Raising a teenage daughter is hard.

Only $2.99 includes free wireless delivery to your Android, iPad, iPhone, Kindle, or PC.

It's a Good Thing They're Extinct

2011-07-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

I was going to write an article about news I've read recently about how to save our civilization.

About how with each 1 degree increase in average temperature, crop yields drop by 10%. About how the glaciers in Asia that feed the Ganges river will be drying up in the next decade or two, which means the Ganges will stop flowing except during monsoon season. So everyone there will run out of food and water.

About how in Africa and Asia most of the failed states did so because food prices went up too high to sustain an economy. And how in most of Africa food prices have doubled over the past few years.

The solutions were clever:

improve education of women (somehow) because the more educated women are, the smaller families they have, which will cap global population at 8 billion.
reduce poverty
increase crop yields
find sources of water such as desalination plants
invest not just in weapons and military occupation, but in soft forces such as the Peace Corps

It would have been summarized by something like, so let's all do our part! But I figure everyone who has half a brain already realizes lifeboat Earth has sprund a leak and if you are capable, you are doing something about it and the worse it gets the more we'll do about it.

So instead of writing that article, here's a picture I snapped an hour ago downtown of dinosaurs trying to escape from an office and kill me.

Do You Have These In My Size?

2011-07-23T04:55:00.000-07:00

In this photo I am buying new flip-flops.

(Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.)

Live Long and Pasta

2011-07-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

Those of you who saw this photo of me on Facebook last week remember this was just a spontaneous thing I did in Costco. I reeeally don't like shopping and will do almost anything to entertain myself.

I called the photograph, "Live Long and Pasta."

Now I find that there's a man in Austria, Nik Alm, who has won the right to wear a collander on his head in his official driver's license photo for religious reasons.

You can barely see his collander because mine's bigger. His is more like a yarmulkah, but if you look carefully you can see the edge above his hairline and the handles sticking out above his ears.

He is a "pastafarian," a follower of an actual, officially tax-exempt religion that worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

These are people who are like atheists, but with a sense of humor.

Mr. Alm's legal battle took three years and required a doctor's certificate that asserted he has the legal right to drive because he's not psychologically crazy or anything.

That the state required him to prove he's not crazy is insulting to anyone of faith. If everyone who believes in a giant imaginary friend had to prove he wasn't crazy, there would be a lot fewer cars on the road.

But don't take my word for it. Check out Hebrews 11:1 and Acts 17:11, which the faithful themselves point to to explain that faith has nothing at all to do with rational thought.

I mean all the guy wanted to do was wear a collander on his head in his driver's license photo. Jeez! What's crazy about that?

Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific

2011-07-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

The Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific is full of odd creatures.

A fish as big as a kid.

There were bigger fish in that tank, too. Like the kind you'd feel really uncomfortable around, if you were snorkeling somewhere and just happened to look behind you and there's one looking over your shoulder.

Here are fish that swim back and forth vertically for some reason.

Giant jellyfish. Sort of mesmerizing, huh?

Rays. Stealth bombers of the underworld.

I had to include some cutesy footage because of my audience demographic: sea otters.
The footage is sea otters, not the demographic.

Giant arthropods. Anything with an exoskeleton creeps me out. It's like Aliens vs Predator.

Big fish. Nothing odd about these guys. Just cool to look at.
OK, maybe the eyes are a little odd.

Here's a giant spider crab. Notice the size compared to the puny humans who have dared invade his realm and enslave him.

Here's a strange fish that, instead of swimming, crawls along the bottom.

Sea Horses, who are not really horses.

And their cousins, Sea Dragons, who actually are dragons.

Sharks. Very cool.

More sharks. At eye level. Watch the whole thing until the end and check out the teeth on the big guy. (And listen to the children's reaction!)

This is a cool little fish that reminded us of a bumper car. And his friend, some kind of needlefish with fake eyes on his tail (to confuse predators).

And now for something completely different. Do they call it that because she (he?) waves her tail around?

Long Beach (California) Aquarium of the Pacific. Odd days for the whole family!

The Day The Infiniti Stood Still

2011-07-15T17:55:00.000-07:00

The back of this Infiniti reminds me of the robot in The Day The Earth Stood Still:

I know, right?

New World Order

2011-07-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

The phrase "new world order" used to be scary. I first became aware of it during the presidency of George I. Back then it had Orwellian overtones and smacked of United Nations / World Bank / Illuminati conspiracies.

Now the Los Angeles Times uses it to describe a MEN's fashion show. This is change I can believe in.

According to the Times, the New World Order consists of clones who are half Ken Doll, half Harry Potter, and wear pink hats turned sideways and flight attendant scarves.

This male model is wearing an old tent that at one time appears to have been repaired by a Cub Scout using only twine and a pocket knife.

I think this men's fashion design must have been inspired by a true story (not really true.) The morning after a night of hard partying, Howard Stern awakes from a blackout in the middle of Central Park in his underwear. It must have been the July 4 weekend because he's still wearing his the red, white, and blue garters. He steals a raincoat from an old lady and attempts to flag down a taxi.

Dick Sued

2011-07-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

How long do you think they had to discuss the title of this article before getting the go-ahead?

Amok Time

2011-07-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

T'Pau:

"Live long. And Prosper, Spock."

Spock:

"I shall do neither. For I have killed my captain."

What's on TV?

2011-07-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

In no particular order, here's what we've been watching (and commenting on) at our place:

With a description like this, how can you not watch?

That man's hair is on upside down.

As parents of a teenage daughter, we feel it's important to stay current on child psychology techniques. That's why we watch South Park.

As my friends know, I'm very fashion-conscious, which is why I like to watch Mythbusters to see what's hot:

This season it's Ghillie suits and Segways. I slowed the footage down because it's sexier that way.

And now, Eagleheart:

That was "The Death Punch" for your dining and dancing pleasure.

I think I learned how to write my name back in first grade:
D-o-u-g. P-e-a-r-c-e.
If my last name had 18 letters and six syllables, I'd probably grow up to be a professional writer, too.

This next clip from Ugly Americans is for anyone who likes nearly nude animated women (in other words, 50% of the population)...

A customer service agent's nightmare:

My favorite Geico commercial.

And now Daniel Tosh has something to say to all you jocks from Westlake High School, class of '81, '82, '83, and '84:

Who's laughing now, jocks?

Crazy Discovery Channel footage of a momma bear chasing off a much larger male. He came to eat her dead caribou. And her cubs.

Even scarier when you see how big they are:

Also, they run 40 miles an hour and can bite through steel. Sweet dreams.

Let's finish up with this from Korean American TV. Watch closely:

As near as I can tell, the Koreans kidnapped a graphic designer and he managed to slip a desperate plea into the commercial they were forcing him to develop.

Finally, a trivia question: I snapped this license plate near my pharmacy. To what short lived 60's British cult classic does it refer?

Hint: I am not a number! I am a free man!

Oh Man, We Should Totally Make One of Those!

2011-07-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

From this month's Playboy, here's a blurb and photo about a catapult that authorities captured on the Mexican side of the US border. Apparently it's made out of a boat trailer and thick elastic and is designed to hurl bales of marijuana over the fence.

No mention is made of the smugglers who were testing it. So I guess they returned to their lair, where they probably lit up another doobie and went back to watching Monty Python:

Viva Las Vegas

2011-06-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

Contrary to the XXX poster, the bowling alley did not feature any nudity. The kids were disappointed.

The blacklights make your shoelaces glow. Plus they keep away vampires.

Mr. Pearce's wardrobe furnished by Emma.

Scott's reasoning: It's not a gutter ball if the ball never touches the lane.

In the men's room of the Flamingo... Bugsy Siegel, founding father of Vegas. How would you like to see a floor-to-ceiling poster of your mugshot in a men's room?

Given all the weddings, there are a lot of tuxedo rental places. These must be for formal pantsless occasions. Hopefully they're not rentals.

This was in the display case in the Pawn Stars pawn shop. It's Chumley toast. He's in good company.

The Gun Store Las Vegas. Where else but Vegas can you rent full-auto machine guns? Unfortunately, the contract states that you must remain on the premises at all times during the rental period.

"What do we want?"
"Brains!"
"When do we want 'em?"
"Brains!"*

Liz gets ready for the zombie apocalypse.

The M in Emma stands for M249 Squad Automatic Weapon.

Back at the house. In the bedroom of Ash, the older son, a bunch of Cthulus worship a giant Cthulu aboard an aircraft carrier.

The younger son, Nathan, used his pocket Nintendo to transplant his face onto my head. He did this in about 60 seconds, standing in the kitchen. When I was a kid we rode bikes and played cops and robbers.

Deep In the Hundred Acre Wood... Where No One Can Hear You Scream

2011-06-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

An original Threadless T-shirt design by Roni Lagin & Mo Moussa

Be Careful Where You Pause That Show

2011-06-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

Anyone with a DVR or TiVo is familiar with the concept of pausing a show and coming back to it. This has led in our family to a few unintended consequences. In our little condo, our 42" TV is a significant chunk of real estate. Accidentally freeze it at the wrong point in your show and you might be in store for some unintentionally funny reactions when people walk into the room:

This one scared away the pizza delivery guy.

This was on screen when I left for work one Monday morning. It foreshadowed pretty much that whole week.

Love Mike Row. Hate pausing TiVo during Dirty Jobs.

This one we use during our secret weekly Illuminati meetings.
And whenever we have company over. (To keep them from stealing anything.)

Paging Dr Jekyll

2011-06-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

Halloween is my favorite holiday. So naturally I like doctors' offices.

3-D models of what you'd look like in Hannibal Lecter's kitchen. Sing it with me! "I like my babyback, babyback, babyback ribs..."

No user-serviceable parts inside.

I think it's the yellow codpiece that really makes this art.

Is that your coccyx or are you just happy to see me?

Nothing says, "Payment is expected at the time services are rendered," like somebody's spine laying on the reception desk.

Screw You Guys. I'm Going Home.

2011-06-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

In one of those arcade machines where you maneuver the claw with the joystick and then try to grab the prize.

As Henry Ford said about the Model T, "You can have any color you want as long as it's black."

Happy Birthday, Aunt Barbara!

2011-06-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

This is Aunt Barbara wearing my best top hat.

Happy Birthday, Aunt Barbara!

When Farm Kids Get Bored

2011-06-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

Uncle Bobby sent me this. It's a collection of pictures taken in Saskatchewan. That's a prairie province in Canada (north of North Dakota).

They bail hay there, don't they?

Yes. And Those wacky farm boys must get pretty bored sometimes because look at all the ways they've found to express their creativity when faced with the otherwise mundane task of staking hay bales:

Why are some hay bales round and some square?

The square ones are easier to handle and stack but the round ones compress the hay better.

Thanks, Uncle Bobby!

Red Rock Canyon, Nevada

2011-06-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

On the western outskirts of Sin City (Las Vegas) is one of the most beautiful places I've ever hiked.

Red Rock Canyon.

Home to prehistoric wildlife; survivors of an environment too harsh for us puny humans.

40-foot Giant Iguanadons (captive breeding program).

Here's something you didn't know about desert tortoises:
Males have larger gular horns jutting from their plastron that allows them to joust with other males when competing for a female. The plastron is also curved. Wink-wink. Nudge-nudge.

Video: Desert toad.

Desert toad

Video: A not-so-puny human surviving in the desert.

The ancient locals left red-inked pictographs on the stone, enhancing the sense of timelessness you feel when you hear nothing but the wind.

Pictograph (upper left)

A red handprint. You can't help but hold your own up to compare.

But there is water in the desert. And water means life. If you know where to look.

The trail to the waterfall.

Video: The waterfall. Whaddaya want for a desert? All the water went to the Bellagio.

Bullet hole in a sign. It was like that when I got there.

The place is larger than life.

Posting is Required by Title 8 Section 1512(e)

2011-06-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

Pier 1 Wooden Puzzle Solution

2011-06-01T19:00:00.000-07:00

Hey, remember that wooden puzzle you bought at Pier 1 last Christmas? Looked easy, didn't it? Then when you got it out of the wrapper and fooled with it for a while, you realized it didn't come in a box. Which meant that you couldn't look up the solution!

I know... I'll google it! Wait. No one on the internet has the solution.

Well, rest easy, fellow puzzler. Here's the solution:

Hey, now that you've suddenly got some time on your hands, how about checking out my exciting, unique, and surprisingly affordable novel, Children of the Salton Sea on Amazon.com? Just $2.99 includes free wireless delivery to your Android, iPad, iPhone, Kindle, or PC.

"Shooting it out with Presidential mercenaries in a deadly wasteland is easy. Raising a teenage daughter is hard."

A Pot Farm, 13 Wild Bears, a Raccoon, and a Vietnamese Pot-Bellied Pig

2011-05-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

Now check out this Russian news story about a Canadian pot farm that was guarded by 13 wild bears, a raccoon, and a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig. No, apparently it's not a joke.

I read through the comments at the end of the story, which was carried in the Vancouver online paper, Smoke Break. There was a lot of arguing back and forth about whether the bears were really guarding the pot, whether there actually was a pot farm or not, and whether the bears are now free or only out on bail.

But my favorite viewer comment was this:

A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says:

“Hey Koala, what are you doing?”

The koala says: “Smoking a joint. Come up and have some.”

So the little lizard climbs up, sits next to the koala and they enjoy a large doobie.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is dry and he is going to get a drink from the river.

But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this, swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard:

“What’s the matter with you?”

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to see this, and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting, with yet another joint.

He looks up and says “Hey you!”

The koala looks down at him and says…

“Fu-u-u-u-c-c-k, Dude…….

How much water did you drink?"

We're Sorry to Kill You, Brother

2011-05-27T07:00:00.001-07:00

Growing up, I learned that at the end of the hunt, the Native American Indians used to give thanks to the spirit of the animal they killed. There's a scene in "Last of the Mohicans" that illustrates this beautifully. Sweaty and panting from their long run through the trees, the hunters stand solemnly over the freshly fallen elk.

"We're sorry to kill you, Brother."

I've been sober for a decade. My daughter has been a vegetarian for over a year. I'm extremely proud of my daughter for doing that. I can avoid alcohol. I can turn my back completely on it. But Emma can't turn her back on food. She has to eat; we all do. So in a way, the path she walks is more difficult.

Today we learn that Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's multi-billionaire 27-year-old founder and CEO, has confessed that he will no longer eat any meat that he, himself, hasn't killed.

"This year, my personal challenge is around being thankful for the food I have to eat. I think many people forget that a living being has to die for you to eat meat, so my goal revolves around not letting myself forget that and being thankful for what I have. This year I've basically become a vegetarian since the only meat I'm eating is from animals I've killed myself. So far, this has been a good experience. I'm eating a lot healthier foods and I've learned a lot about sustainable farming and raising of animals.

"I started thinking about this last year when I had a pig roast at my house. A bunch of people told me that even though they loved eating pork, they really didn't want to think about the fact that the pig used to be alive. That just seemed irresponsible to me. I don't have an issue with anything people choose to eat, but I do think they should take responsibility and be thankful for what they eat rather than trying to ignore where it came from."

Zuckerberg has apparently been coached by local ranchers on how to humanely slaughter pigs and goats. Cutting their throats seems to be the quickest way.

Run your tongue over your eye-teeth. Your canines.

They're sharp. To tear meat. Your front teeth are chisel-shaped. To scrape meat off the bone. Our human history, our rise from hunted, to hunter, to space-faring civilization, it all depends on our huge human brains. Major sacrifices were made so that we could have those brains. Women and babies die in childbirth all the time because our heads are too big to fit easily through our pelvises. A lot's riding on those brains.

How did we get those huge brains? A steady diet of protein. Meat.

Clearly, growing meat to feed humans burns a lot more resources and is far more inefficient from a planetary resource perspective. Plus there's the huge carbon footprint, and what's even worse, a huge methane footprint. Fortunately for us all, the next generation is much more focused on a global, long-term perspective than those of us who've gone before.

Is Mark Zuckerberg's solution the one we meat-eaters should follow? Should we be made to chase through the forest before we can partake of another animal's life force? Certainly we'd all be in a lot better shape. And so would the planet.

Off With Their Heads

2011-05-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

In the checkout line at the store yesterday:

"Uh-oh," I say.

And my lovely wife, Julia, replies, "Let the beheadings begin."

Congratulations, Julie and Tyrone!

2011-05-26T12:31:00.000-07:00

Blogger wouldn't let me put the video on Julie and Tyrone's wedding page so here it is.

Rarely have I seen a couple more in love.

CDC Prepares for Zombie Apocalypse

2011-05-25T07:00:00.001-07:00

"... much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation."

--U.S. Centers for Disease Control website

Are you prepared for the zombie apocalype? The U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) have posted an emergency preparedness page on their website explaining what you should do, and what your CDC will be doing, when the living dead walk our streets.

Black Light

2011-05-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

If you have a black light (sometimes they come packaged with bottles of pet-stain remover) you should take a look at your ID under ultraviolet rays. There's a whole secret world you're carrying around in your pocket:

Visa cards and paychecks have UV branding

My driver's license has a secret glow-in-the-dark state flag that only appears under black light

In my passport, the eyes of the eagle glow under UV light. Creepy.

The Very Merry Month of May

2011-05-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

Does it strike anyone else as odd that National Masturbation Month begins with a National Day of Prayer?

We'll Leave the Light On for Ya

2011-05-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

"I'm the only Christian in my family, so what I really have to achieve is to warn them about everything, but they just think I'm crazy..."

"I saw dollar signs, because no one has more pets per capita and more rapture-believing Christians than the good old U.S.A..."

"...People, instead of trusting their own instincts, will fall back on 'There can't be anything wrong with it because it's my group, it's my religion...'"

http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-rapture-20110519,0,6209624.story

Robocop on a Unicorn

2011-05-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

Sex Sells French Bread

2011-05-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

You see it now, don't you. (Wink-wink. Nudge-nudge.)

Happy Birthday, Leapin' Lizzy

2011-05-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

12/21/12

2011-05-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

Paper Flyers Ready to Distribute

2011-05-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

So many times I've seen flyers and cards and paper advertisements handed out at the farmer's market downtown, slipped under windshield wipers, placed around the office...

So now, in addition to word-of-mouth and online advertising for my action adventure novel Children of the Salton Sea, I've prepared original quarter-sheet, double-sided paper ads with eight separate designs.

All part of my guerilla marketing plan.

Now whenever I head out somewhere, I take a handful of flyers.

Author Nancy Johnson, who had Amazon publish her book on Amazon was recently contacted by an agent who wants to put her e-book into print and sell in bookstores. She did all her own sales at first and back then agents wouldn't read her stuff or respond to her query letters.

I hope to follow a similar path. Sales of my e-book (available on Amazon.com) started out slow but are picking up. If you haven't already, check it out. Some of my favorite scenes are available online here on my blog.

And you can also download a sample chapter from Amazon.

Remember, $2.99 includes free wireless delivery to your iPad, Android, iPhone, Kindle, or PC.

"Shooting it out with mercenaries in a deadly wasteland is easy. Raising a teenage daughter is hard."

HLA-B27

2011-05-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

HLA-B27: B*2705-β2MG with bound peptide 2bst

Human Leukocyte Antigen (HLA) B27 (subtypes B*2701-2759) [1] is a class I surface antigen encoded by the B locus in the major histocompatibility complex (MHC) on chromosome 6 and presents antigenic peptides (derived from self and non-self antigens) to T-cells. HLA-B27 is strongly associated with ankylosing spondylitis (AS), and other associated inflammatory diseases referred to collectively as "spondyloarthritis". The prevalence of HLA-B27 varies markedly in the general population.

The relationship between HLA-B27 and many diseases has not yet been fully elucidated. Though it is associated with a wide range of pathology, it does not appear to be the sole mediator in development of disease. For example, while 90% of people with ankylosing spondylitis (AS) are HLA-B27 positive, only a fraction of people with HLA-B27 ever develop AS. This raises two important questions: why don't all HLA-B27 positive people develop AS, and why do some people who are HLA-B27 negative develop it? There are additional genes being discovered that also predispose to AS and associated diseases.[5] Additionally there are potential environmental factors (triggers) that may also play a role in susceptible individuals.

HLA B27 Gene frequencies:

USA Alaska Yupik 11.5
Native American 8.6
Arizona Pima ind. 7.9
Belgium 7.1
Mexico Tarahumara 6.8
Finland 6.1
Ireland South 4.2
India Tamil Nadu Nadar 4.1
India North Hindus 3.8
Croatia 3.7
Portugal North 3.3
Mexico Guadalajara Mestizos 2.9
Czech Republic 2.8
Azores Terceira Island 2.7
Azores Santa Maria & Sao Miguel 2.6
South Korea pop 3 2.5
Cape Verde Northwestern Islands 2.4
France South East 2.3
Morocco Nador Metalsa Class I 2.1
Portugal South 2.0
Spain Eastern Andalusia Gipsy 2.0
Italy North Pavia 1.9
Azores Central Islands 1.8
Bulgaria 1.8
Israel Jews 1.8
Georgia Tibilisi Kurds 1.7
Brazil Belo Horizonte 1.6
Cape Verde Southeastern Islands 1.6
India New Delhi 1.5
Mexico Sonora Seri 1.5

In addition to its association with ankylosing spondylitis, HLA-B27 is implicated in other types of seronegative spondyloarthropathy[8] as well, such as reactive arthritis (Reiter's Syndrome), certain eye disorders such as acute anterior uveitis and iritis, psoriatic arthritis and ulcerative colitis associated spondyloarthritis. The shared association with HLA-B27 leads to increased clustering of these diseases.[9]

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HLA-B27

"All right, you mutinous, disloyal, computerized half-breed!"

2011-05-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

How cool would it be to have a 2-story banner of yourself hanging in a big fancy performance hall?

If I were Leonard Nimoy, I would take that home (when nobody was looking) and hang it from the balcony of my mansion, overlooking the pool. Then some days I would go up and stand on the balcony with a cigar in my mouth and wave both hands.

That would be so cool.

My friend, Ornah, and I went to see Leonard Nimoy speak at the Carpenter Performing Arts Center in Long Beach. Weird, right?

No. It was an excellent show. I expected it to be interesting and it was. But I did not know that he's funny! He writes good material and he has great delivery. Why should I be surprised... He's been entertaining since before I was born.

He used to drive a taxi, which is something I did briefly.

He does a great impression of William Shatner. Of course, he's had 44 years to perfect it.

And when he was a kid, he was in a gang on the mean streets of Boston. I didn't see any gang tats on the man. But he was wearing long sleeves.

There was a good audience...

... which for some reason was composed primarily of bald men.

Ornah had brought these 100-year old Viennese opera glasses she'd acquired from a haunted antique store (long story) and we finally rigged them into a MacGiver telephoto lense for my new HTC EVO phone, which has an 8 megapixel camera...

If we combine our communicators, the signal should create an harmonic effect, loosening the shale on this cliff and causing an avalanche that should block this pass.

I know, right? Then this voice booms over the loudspeakers, reminding us that if we take pictures we will be locked in a little cell in the maintenance room.

But after the show, there were autographs. Here's footage of my friend, Ornah, cracking up Leonard Nimoy (How many people can say that?)...

Summary:

Although I doubt you would get him to admit it, if you listened carefully to all the understated, amusing anecdotes he delivered, and paused to consider, you might come to the conclusion that a lot -- if not most -- of the rich texture of Star Trek ... the parts that elevated it above being just another campy 60's sci-fi schtick ... was the result of his creative hand.

Mene sakkhet ur-seveh.

Christian Shark Symbol

2011-05-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

I saw this the other day:

See the shark above the turn signal? I thought, hmmm, looks like a Christian fish, but it's a shark. What does that mean?

See for yourself on the interwebs: Could be a "strong Christian." Could be an Egyptian Muslim, mocking Coptic Christians. Could be a lawyer (sharks... get it?).

A shark is a fish that eats other fish. So my personal theory is that the symbol represents the small, but quickly growing, Christian cannibal movement.

Mysterious "W" Appears in Underwater Explorer's Eye

2011-05-03T07:00:00.001-07:00

I keep getting the feeling that there's something going on around me that I'm not aware of. It's mysterious. Baffling.

Here's an example.

While watching a National Geographic documentary on the Roald Amundsen plane crash expedition, I saw a "W" appear in the eye of his great-grand-nephew, Nikolai:

Did you see it?

Here, the footage is slowed down for you:

Conspiracy theories abound, but not only because of this mysterious W. (Scary.)

Leave a comment if you think you know what this is.

Camo Cow

2011-05-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Found in Cyberspace:

I was just shopping for oven mitts. Now I'll have nightmares.

Those eyes. Those red, red eyes.

:)

2011-05-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

Let them Eat Pie

2011-04-29T07:00:00.001-07:00

Let them eat cake. Or pie. Pizza pie.

$700 from Papa John's. Is the skin made of Canadian bacon? There's sort of a whole Hannibal Lecter thing going on here, no?

http://www.google.com/search?q=papa+john's+royal+wedding+pizza&hl=en&safe=off&rlz=1R2RNRN_enUS428&prmd=ivnsu&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&wrapid=tlif130410004442310&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=ni&biw=1268&bih=854

Boxcars

2011-04-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

A Reprieve from the Governor

2011-04-25T17:27:00.000-07:00

Saddleback Animal Care. Best vets in the Southwest.

Our cat wouldn't go in the litter box anymore. It was a big problem. The house started to stink like some "crazy cat lady" house. Cat pee has that ammonia smell... like the atmosphere of another planet. (Venus.)

There was nothing wrong with the cat, physically. Apparently she had experienced some kind of stress in the room the cat box was located in. So we moved it around, tried new locations, put out two different boxes. Meantime we bought this super-powerful cat-pee carpet cleaner at the pet store and constantly scrubbed at the carpet.

It turns out that this kind of thing happens more often than you think: It's one of the top-three reasons people take their cats in to be euthanized. It's sad to think about all those cats on death row, watching the clock tick down.

Luckily, Alley (I know. What an original name.) snapped out of it eventually. She's going in the box again. Only took a few weeks and some experimentation to sort out. No death row for Alley Cat today.

Bicycle Seats

2011-04-23T07:00:00.001-07:00

Heard around the coffee machine at work:

"I went to the sports shop. They've got a guy there who makes sure your seat fits."

"So you go riding around here?"

"Up in the hills."

"How does the guy pick out a seat for you?"

"So they have all these custom seats. He takes measurements."

"Like an impression of your butt?"

"No, like..."

"Are you sure that's what that guy was really doing?"

"Um..."

"Like, maybe he didn't really work there. He was just hanging around there."

Prequel?

2011-04-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

Notes to myself regarding a possible prequel to Children of the Salton Sea.

What plot lines would you like to see me develop? What do you want to know about your favorite character?